


i met you when i was 15

by chocolavi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Canon Universe, Eventual Romance, First Year Hinata Shouyou and Kageyama Tobio, Idiots in Love, Kageyama Tobio-centric, M/M, Mutual Pining, Second Year Hinata Shouyou and Kageyama Tobio, Sexual Tension, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Third Year Hinata Shouyou and Kageyama Tobio, but not so slow
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:14:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28164573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolavi/pseuds/chocolavi
Summary: Kageyama Tobio met a boy when he was 15. He was loud, greedy, and selfish in all the ways possible. He was demanding, impatient, reckless, and everything Kageyama wanted nothing to do with.Hinata Shouyou has always lived on a parallel with him, forever on the same trajectory—yet never intersecting—that is, until he finds himself repelling, attracting, bending, until their lives intertwine so deeply that Kageyama cannot tell his story without him.This is how he met Hinata Shouyou when he was 15.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 41
Kudos: 224
Collections: Kagehina Big Bang 2020





	1. i didn't meet you when i was 15

**Author's Note:**

> This starts off slow, so please bear with me. Also, fair warning that the age rating may go up in future chapters! It's been a pleasure participating in the kagehina big bang 2020! A big thank you them and MJ as usual for beta-ing!

The End & The Beginning

There was a period in Kageyama’s life that passed by as a blur to him—a rush of memories and emotions that ran rampant in his mind until he became numb to it all. 

The passing of Kageyama Kazuyo was the start of it. 

By no means was Kageyama ‘normal’, even when Kazuyo-san was alive. Kageyama was the weirdo in class; the kid that sat alone, the kid that everyone just naturally ignored because he didn’t fit in with them. It was never out of ill intent, he thinks. It was just....where his classmates played video games and watched movies, Kageyama was in the park, practising volleyball until the sun set over the horizon. 

But Kageyama was happy. He knows this. He might have been young, but Kageyama remembers the afternoons spent with Kazuyo-san in the park learning how to toss. He remembers Miwa joining in, sometimes even playing with them. He remembers staring up at his grandfather with wide eyes as he gave Tobio his first volleyball—a brand new Molten ball. Kageyama still has it in his room—though he never takes it out to play anymore. It’s frayed, and a little old, but tossing it to himself a couple of times before he goes to bed at night always helps him sleep a little bit better. 

Being happy was a feeling Kageyama took for granted. Waking up every morning was a lot easier when his sister would come into his room, calling his name as she styled her hair, telling him to get ready for school. Waking up was a lot easier when his grandfather was waiting for him at the breakfast table, a glass of milk in hand for him. Waking up was a lot easier when he knew people were waiting for him.

It was the simple things that Kageyema missed.

When Kazuyo-san became unwell, volleyball was the first thing that was taken from him. With his parents not around, his grandfather was the only one who took him to the park after school, the only one who would help him with tosses, with receives. So without his grandfather, Tobio was short of a partner, a friend. 

Miwa came by sometimes, but as she progressed through high school, her homework and friends seemed to take up more and more of her time until he never saw her touch a volleyball again. Something about not wanting to cut her hair or something, he thinks.

But still, Kageyama was happy. On the good days, Kazuyo-san could come to watch him play, and Miwa would follow just because her grandfather asked.

Companionship was the second thing he lost. 

With his grandfather being admitted to the hospital, the house he had grown up in suddenly felt cold. Miwa must have felt it too, because even she was never around anymore. Coming home to an empty house was not so much sad as it was cold.

And just like that, the chair next to Kazuyo-san’s hospital bed became his next home. 

It was there that he would eat dinner and have his first conversation of the day. There, he would get his daily lecture on not having to visit every day, to go out and play volleyball with friends instead. There, he would sit and stare as the patient monitor readings skyrocket. There, he would be asked to leave because of an emergency.

Kazuyo-san was lucky, they told him, because he survived. But from then on, the days flew by faster than ever, and even Miwa was coming to visit every day. There was something heavy hanging in the air as his grandfather told him stories and held him close. His laughs were interrupted by racking coughs, meals reduced to plain porridge. He watched his grandfather change from the strong man that fought to take care of his grandchildren to the even stronger man that fought to smile every day.

It was painful.

Kageyama heard a lot of stories in the time he spent at the hospital. There were ones about spirits, ones about angels, and ones about people knowing they’re going to die.

Kazuyo-san laughed when Tobio questioned him about them. He told Tobio not to worry, that old people just had a lot of spare time and liked making their life sound more interesting.

So when Tobio walks in a month later, two weeks before his last year of middle school, he forgets to ask a lot of questions. 

Why did Kazuyo-san’s smile not reach his eyes that day? Why did he look so tired as he ruffled Tobio’s hair? Why did he tell him that someone else would be there for him? Somebody stronger? Kageyama didn’t want somebody stronger. He wanted his grandfather. 

And he told him so. 

But Kazuyo-san shook his head, sitting him down as he explained it to Tobio.

“You know Tobio, if you get really _really_ good, you’ll get to play a lot more games. I can’t play anymore because I’m sick, but you can. The best players get to play lots and lots of volleyball. You love volleyball, don’t you? Well, if you get really good....I promise you...somebody who’s even _better_ will come along and find you.”

“But you said we could play once you got better-”

“Tobio...I’m not getting any better. And I know it’s going to be hard, it _will_ be hard. But you’re going to be okay. You’re a strong boy, Tobio. I knew that from the moment I saw you. You and Miwa will be fine.”

“Why are you talking like that?” Miwa snaps from behind him, and she clutches Tobio’s shoulder tightly. He can feel her trembling.

Their grandfather laughs, eyes softening. “I'm an old man, Miwa. Let me spoil my grandchildren with compliments once in a while.”

That night, Kazuyo-san gives Miwa and him an extra tight hug, smiling wide as he waves them out the door like he normally does.

It’s the last time he sees his grandfather.

The following week is a blur Kageyama can’t recall. All he remembers is seeing Miwa quickly become an adult, handling all sorts of people Kageyama can’t even bring himself to look at. She arranges for the funeral, sends out the notes to everyone Kazuyo-san knew. She even dealt with their parents. Something Kazuyo-san never wanted them to do.

She doesn’t ask him for help even once through it all—not that Kageyama thinks he could have helped regardless.

But she does start coming into his room at night, tucking him in—something she’s never done. Tobio sees her red eyes, sees her puffy cheeks, and says nothing.

He just hopes she knows how much he loves her.

***

When break is over, Kageyama is glad to go back to school. Miwa is surrounded by friends and so much work that her eyes don’t redden every other night anymore. 

Kageyama spends his days in Kitagawa Daiichi’s gym. The moment the school bell rings at the end of the day, he’s off to the clubroom, changing into his gym uniform, fingers aching to wrap themselves around a volleyball. 

It becomes his lifeline, the only time he really feels _alive_.

Volleyball is good. Volleyball is fun. Volleyball makes everything else seem insignificant. So he dedicates his life to it, toss after toss, serve after serve. This way, nothing could go wrong for him again. Life could take Kazuyo-san away, but it could never take volleyball away from him.

There should be nothing wrong after that. He should be free to play, free to stand on the court as he aims for the world stage—where he told Kazuyo-san he would be. 

But there is something very different about someone who uses volleyball as a lifeline and someone who plays volleyball as a club activity. 

“Kageyama-kun, you can’t just yell and shout at your teammates like that. They’re trying their best, and you need to learn how to adapt to them or you’ll never be able to play with anyone.”

Kageyama grits his teeth. “They aren’t even staying back to practice. How is that their _best_?” He’s surprised at the malice he can hear in his own voice.

His coach sighs. “It doesn’t matter if it’s their best or not. As long as they stand on the court with you, you’re going to have to play with them.”

Kageyama doesn’t have to look behind him to know his entire team is listening in on the conversation. It doesn’t matter that they all avoid talking to him after that. It just means that he has to practice more, practice _harder_ , so he can make up for their shortcomings.

He’s just trying his best.

The last junior high volleyball tournament is what finally brings his team around. They’re staying later for practice, focusing more during drills, and he can feel the energy buzzing through them as the calendar counts their days down. 

Everyone is confident the day they step into the Miyagi stadium. They’re tall. They’re strong. They’re clever. They’re skilled. Making it to finals has never been a problem for them. 

Their first match is against Yukigaoka Junior High. Kageyama doesn’t know the school—hasn’t heard of it, which probably means this is their first time competing. 

To Kageyama, it just means playing his hardest. Not underestimating them. Going at them with his all. Whether they turn out to be completely incompetent or extremely proficient, Kageyama will have given them his best. He refuses to give them anything less.

Official team warm up is about to start, and he can tell from the missing water bottles that the second years aren’t back yet. He sets out to look for them by the bathroom, and he’s barely out of the gym when he hears voices.

_“Hey! Don’t underestimate us!”_

The voice echoes through the corridors, and Kageyama finds himself following it—a moth drawn to a flame. He’s already around the corner when he sees the scene playing out in front of him. 

_“Pfftt, sure. You’re as short as elementary kids. You don’t stand a chance against us.”_

Kageyama feels disgust rile up in him at their laughter when he finally realises that it’s his own second-years doing the taunting. 

“Oi, second years.”

They all flinch at the sound of his voice, laughter lost to the deafening silence.

“It’s time for the warm-up. Get back on the court,” he says, voice unwavering.

“Sorry! We’ll get going! We just have to fill a couple more bottles-”

His friend nudges him. “Dude we don’t need that many. Let’s go. Just look at our opponents—”

“You didn’t even make the _team_ ,” Kageyama says loud and clear, glaring them down. He doesn’t have the time for this. They’re supposed to be warming up right now. Not wasting their time on this. “You’re not even starters, and yet you look down on your opponents.”

He can see their heads hanging in shame. It makes him feel sick in a twisted sort of way. “You’re carrying our school’s reputation. Don’t tarnish it.”

They rush past him with murmured apologies one by one, each delivering a blow harder than the last. Kageyama can only watch as the last of the rapport they had built in the past week dissipates into thin air.

“I w-was going to give them a piece of my mind too!”

Kageyama spins to the source of the voice—a boy with wild orange hair. He’s no taller than Kageyama’s shoulder, hands smaller than the water bottle he’s holding in his hand. He really does look like an elementary student.

“Don’t talk big when you can’t even look after yourself.”

“That’s not-”

Kageyama steps forward, looming over the boy. “Why are you here anyway? To make memories?” Kageyama spits.

He knows this is misplaced anger. He knows he shouldn’t be saying this to someone he doesn’t even know, but this could have all been prevented if-

“I came here to _win_ ,” the boy says loudly, clearly, with _so much_ unbacked confidence, that Kageyama has to fight the urge in him to grab his shirt and show him how hard it is.

“You make it sound easy.”

The boy frowns, clenching his fists. “Sure, I’m not...tall. But...I can jump! How do you know we won’t win? As long as we…. keep going we can-”

“Keep going?” Kageyama scoffs, cutting him off. “It’s not that simple.”

The growing frustration on the boy’s face is enough to unsettle Kageyama, to rile him up just so he can show this _boy_ that volleyball is _not_ easy. That volleyball isn’t for everyone, and especially not half-assed people that-

“ _At last!_ ” the boy shouts, and it almost takes Kageyama by surprise. 

“At _last..._ we can play on the court. So...the first round...second...third, we’ll win! Again and again! We’ll play lots of games!”

Kageyama stands still, blue eyes piercing brown. “The first round and second round. The finals and nationals. I’m going to win them all and be the last one standing,” Kageyama says easily, because it’s the same thing he’s been saying to himself for the past year. “I will win.”

***

Kageyama Tobio played Hinata Shouyou when he was 14. The game was pitiable, rough, and an easy thrashing for Kitagawa Daiichi.

But Kageyama saw it. A split second glimpse of it—of the fire burning in Hinata Shouyou that rivalled the colour of his hair. It burned so bright that it left its imprint on Kageyama, an imprint that Kageyama could never seem to shake off no matter how hard he tried.

_“What have you been doing for the last three years?”_

Hinata stares back at him with clueless eyes, head tilted in frustrating confusion. 

They make a promise that day.

_“If you’re the king of the court, I’ll beat you! I’ll be the last one standing!_

“ _Only victors remain on the court. The strongest. If you want to win, become stronger.”_

And maybe a part of him hoped that Hinata would take those words to heart. There was a fire there—a fire Kageyama knew could burn brighter than the sun itself. But it didn’t matter then. Kageyama had a goal. He didn’t have the time to worry about anyone else. He had a tournament to win.


	2. and then i met you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miwa lets out a little huff—a polite laugh. “Tobio has a habit of not telling people about his family. I wouldn’t expect anything less.”
> 
> Kageyama grunts. “I don’t see why I have to go around telling people about things they don’t need to know.”
> 
> Hinata frowns. “But I'm not _people!_ I’m your...your...rival!”
> 
> Kageyama hears hesitation in the pause between Hinata’s words where there has never been, and he frowns.
> 
> There’s an awkward pause as honey brown eyes pierce into his, and Kageyama stands there blankly, not knowing how to react. 
> 
> Miwa breaks the silence. “Tobio, why don’t you set the table for dinner?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and we get into the action ;)

water in the desert, flower in the concrete

The chances of Kageyama and Hinata joining the same high school were slim.

“I mean, I don’t think it’s _that_ slim,” Hinata yells, running to position himself to receive the toss. “Maybe one in a hundred?”

“More like one in a million,” Kageyama mutters, setting the ball back.

“A million!?” Hinata repeats incredulously, tripping on his own feet. The ball bounces and hits the ground right in front of his face. He stands up, brushing the dirt off his pants and picks the ball up. “Well, we did meet, so I guess it was a one in a million chance!”

Kageyama’s face scrunches up in disagreement, ready to counter his argument when he realises Hinata’s logic actually makes sense for once. Unsettled by the loss, Kageyama decides to pick on something else. “How do you expect to play with anyone when you trip over your own two feet?”

Hinata groans, passing the ball back to Kageyama. “There aren’t any rocks in the gym! It’s just because we’re playing in the park. And it’s dark!”

Kageyama looks up at the sky. He’s right. The moon is already high up in the sky, any semblance of daylight gone, replaced by the streetlights that scatter across the park. 

“We should head back soon,” he says.

Hinata looks at him, for a moment, and Kageyama can tell he wants to say something.

“What? Spit it out.”

Hinata bites at his lip, his heel digging into the ground as he contemplates his question. “Just now...when that Tsukishima guy called you a King...why did you get so...mad?”

He looks at Kageyama so innocently, with such curiosity that Kageyama almost feels stupid for the way he feels. “I just don’t like it,” he answers gruffly. 

“I thought it was kinda cool,” Hinata says sheepishly, breaking eye contact with him to look at the ground. “Even in middle school too, everyone knew who you were. They all called you that.”

Kageyama almost feels guilty for not telling Hinata the real reason behind the nickname. He doesn’t think Hinata would look at him that way—with wide honey brown eyes that seep with admiration, with jealousy.

“It’s not a big deal,” Kageyama says, even though it very much is a big deal.

He knows the heavy burden that falls on him whenever the nickname is mentioned. It’s like a dam that threatens to break, to unleash everything he’s been holding back since middle school. He doesn’t want to know what the monster he’s been hiding looks like.

“If you say so,” Hinata hums, kicking the pebbles at their feet.

*******

“Is this really all the King has to offer?” Tsukishima jeers.

Kageyama’s eyes flit to the blonde taunting him across the net. 

“You’re going to lose pathetically at this rate.”

Hinata steps in front of him, shoving Kageyama to the side as he yells. “Hey! What’s wrong with you? Are you trying to pick a fight or something with all this ‘King’ business?” 

Kageyama blinks for a moment, shaken at the sight. 

“Do you even know why he has that nickname? _The King?_ ” Tsukishima smirks, making direct eye contact with Kageyama.

Kageyama stares straight back at him, fists clenched, torn between begging him to shut up or daring him to continue. They’re supposed to be playing volleyball, supposed to be practicing, learning, not-

“Well that’s because everyone was amazed by his skills, right?” Hinata answers so proudly it makes Kageyama turn away in discomfort.

Tsukishima laughs. “That’s what most people think. But in the end, it’s the King’s own teammates that gave him the nickname. The Selfish King, the arrogant dictator. He even got benched for it, don’t you know?”

The words echo in his ears, replaced by memories, flashbacks, from that one day in middle school. That _one stupid day-_

The entire gym is silent, save for Tsukishima.

“The King tossed, but no one jumped.”

 _“You’re right_ , _”_ he blurts, the words leaving his mouth before he can stop them. “There’s nothing scarier than tossing when no one’s there.” 

His hands are shaking, legs trembling underneath him as he relives the moment over and over again. The moment his teammates decided to give up on him, decided he wasn’t worth the effort.

“But that was junior high, wasn’t it?” 

Hinata’s voice is so oblivious, so innocent, so free from all the aggressiveness Kageyama has ever known, that it snaps him right out of his trance.

“I’m with you now, so don’t worry,” he says casually, shrugging. As if those words hadn’t just shaken Kageyama to his core. 

Who... _who says things like that?_

“Our mission now...” Hinata continues, clearly not finished as he turns to Tsukishima. “Is to beat you!

The game continues, and Kageyama tries to ignore the crushing feeling of Hinata breaking through the walls he has up. 

“Kageyama!” Hinata’s voice calls from right behind him. Kageyama feels like he can only watch, feet planted on the ground as this boy _flies_ in front of him. “I’m here!” he yells, like he knows the words that play in Kageyama’s head on repeat—a memory. _No one is there. No one is there. No one is—_

_Hinata is there._

His body moves before his mind does, back arching to send this frustratingly annoying boy with bright orange hair the toss Kageyama has been _aching_ to send his whole life.

_Smack!_

The ball hits the floor, silence filling the room as everyone watches in disbelief.

“Ahh, that was close. I nearly missed it. Shame it was out though, that was pretty cool, right Kageyama?”

Kageyama turns to him, throat running dry. That was impossible. That couldn’t have happened. “Oi...you—”

“The ball came!” Hinata yells, eyes squeezing shut so tightly Kageyama worries his head is gonna pop.

Hinata grips the hem of his jersey tightly. “I don’t care about junior high! Whatever the toss you want to do...it means something to me. I’ll jump anywhere! I’ll hit any ball you send me! So that’s why...that’s why you should toss to me!”

He looks at Kageyama with the same fire Kageyama saw burning in his eyes exactly one year ago. 

_***_

If Kageyama learns one thing about Hinata in his first year at Karasuno, it’s that Hinata Shouyou is a stubborn piece of shit.

More than once, Kageyama gets too comfortable and falls back into his old ways.

More than once, Kageyama says the wrong thing at the wrong time.

More than once, Kageyama hurts the people who have done nothing but welcome him.

All these things he doesn’t mean to do, doesn’t intend for the consequences. But by the time he realises the damage he’s done, it’s too late to take it back. Kageyama has always been the worst at communication. He says things hoping, _praying,_ people will take his actions as he means for them to. But in a world full of social cues and situations he doesn’t understand, they are almost always misconstrued to be the monster, the _King_ , everyone makes him out to be.

Under normal circumstances, this would be where he loses the people who have stood next to him. This is where the friendships he’s made, the relationships he’s so carefully built by setting walls up, by biting his tongue, by attempting to conform to societal norms, breaks. 

But _Hinata_ , Kageyama learns, is far from normal.

“Why do you have to say it like that?” Hinata asks him, voice filled with confusion instead of the spite and anger Kageyama is used to.

“What?” he asks, because the answer should be obvious enough. He says things because he means them. What was hard to understand about that?

“You’re really mean when you say things like that. Why can’t you just be nicer about it?” 

Hinata asks him the question so genuinely, like he really has no intention behind it other than to know why. Kageyama doesn’t know the answer. It’s not like he’s _trying_ to be mean. He just...doesn’t know how to tell people what he means in the way they’re used to. 

“I wasn’t trying to be mean, I was just telling you-”

“You weren’t?”

“I wasn’t.”

“Oh...” Hinata mumbles more to himself than anyone else. “It’s fine, then. But you probably should try to be nicer about it. If you said those things to someone like Yachi-san she would be really sad.”

“Yachi-san doesn’t play volleyball.”

“But if she _did_ , then she _would_ be sad.”

“But I’m just trying to help!” he counters.

Hinata hums, tapping his finger against his chin. “Maybe phrase it nicer? Like...instead of saying _you’re totally useless at receiving_ , _get better or you’ll never play volleyball,_ maybe say _you’ve improved a lot at receiving, but you still need to continue working harder,_ or something,” Hinata shrugs. “Doesn’t that sound a lot nicer?”

“That sounds like more work.”

“Yeah, but you have to work hard to get better at volleyball anyway, right?”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“It does, you’re just too dumb to figure it out,” Hinata mocks, sticking his tongue out like a five-year-old.

And maybe Kageyama just rolls his eyes in response, but when he goes home that day he writes down everything Hinata said in his journal. 

It’s things like this that keep Kageyama awake at night _—_ how Hinata can say things that rattle Kageyama to his core so easily. It’s terrifying how Hinata has this much control over him without even knowing. 

_“I’m here,”_ he says, as if those words don’t bring Kageyama’s walls crashing down around him. And Kageyama _does_ try to resist. He puts up wall after wall, desperate not to let anyone in because he doesn’t want to be reminded that by the end, _nobody will be there_. 

And for the most part, he’s successful. Empty platitudes have a hard time reaching him, even if they’re filled with good intent. 

Kageyama knows Hinata well enough to know that he’s a master of his words. Hinata’s ability to speak to people’s hearts has gotten him far in life, but Kageyama is desperate to keep those words out of his head. But it doesn’t take long for him to realise he would be stupid to call Hinata’s words shallow, because they are anything but.

Maybe it was under the guise of being a setter—of needing to understand his spikers, but Kageyama thinks he knows who Hinata is. He sees and understands Hinata for what he is, even if he does catch Kageyama by surprise every now and then. He watches Hinata enough to be able to read him, enough to pick up the nuances in his emotions before Hinata catches on to them himself.

That’s how he knows Hinata is genuine. Hinata speaks from his heart, from the part of his person that everyone else is terrified of reaching from. He yells and screams at Kageyama with words that are completely coherent and sensible, with words that Kageyama can understand and make sense of. And when his words don’t rattle Kageyama in the way he wants them to, Hinata backs them up in the way Kageyama knows best. 

Actions have always spoken louder than words for Kageyama, and Hinata tackles him like this, jumping with his eyes tightly shut, soaring in the air for a chance at Kageyama to understand him. He stays back for practice later than anyone else, demanding another toss, another set. He tells Kageyama everything he wants to, and he _shows_ Kageyama everything he needs. 

***

Somewhere along the way, Kageyama finds himself being strung along by Hinata and being okay with it. 

He knows the password to Hinata’s bike lock, knows his favourite drink, knows his favourite brand of knee pads, and a lot of other unnecessary information Hinata has never explicitly told him.

He knows Hinata in a way he doesn’t quite know anyone else. 

He knows how Hinata is before a match, how he is after a match. He knows how much Hinata can eat, and how much energy he can expend before he starts to get tired.

That’s why he hates himself for not realizing earlier.

“He probably has a fever.”

His throat is dry, his voice bare. He doesn’t need to look at Hinata to feel the piercing gaze trained on him. They’re _finally_ at nationals _—_ in the quarterfinals. He knows what’s going through Hinata’s mind right now. 

Hinata looks at him with eyes that burn into his soul. Kageyama doesn’t need to hear his choked sobs to hear the pleading in his voice. 

_Kageyama please don’t do this._

With clenched fists, he continues. “His hands were abnormally hot earlier. And last night he was so exhausted he couldn’t even get out of the bath. Usually he...eats so much that he can’t stop jumping around, but yesterday he was...tired.”

Coach Ukai steps onto the court. “Hinata-”

“No, no _, please_! I can still jump! I can still play! Don’t take me off the court!”

Hinata is in tears as Takeda-sensei slips a thermometer into his mouth. The beep that follows silences the entire stadium as his substitution is sentenced.

Hinata looks at Kageyama one last time, eyes puffy and wet, yet seemingly calm and lacking the anger Kageyama expects.

_“You can do this,”_ he says with his eyes.

Kageyama watches as Yachi escorts Hinata to the exit, their backs turned to him. He doesn’t want Hinata to leave like this, doesn’t want this to be Hinata’s final memory of their first year. 

He finds himself yelling before he can even think about it. 

_“Maybe you aren’t standing on the court, but don’t you dare look away!”_

He sees the slightest pause in Hinata’s step, but he doesn’t look back. 

Hinata never looks back.

***

Losing nationals didn’t hurt as much as Kageyama thought it would. 

It was a good game, a sad loss, but all Kageyama can think about is how this is the end. The end of this team. The end of the team that taught him how to love volleyball even more than he ever thought he could. He’s silent as they finish their endling line-up, bowing to the opposition. He’s silent as they walk into the changing rooms, and silent as he changes into a fresh shirt.

“I wanted to go further with this team,” he finally says, and one by one, the teammates that have gotten him this far turn to face him, poker faces crumpling as tears stream down their cheeks.

Kageyama doesn’t see Hinata after they gather for dinner. He watches as one by one, their teammates leave the dinner table to go visit Hinata inside the room he’s isolated inside. He knows Hinata doesn’t want to see him.

Pity is the last thing Hinata wants, and Kageyama is the last person he wants it from.

  
  


***

The week before their winter break ends, the doorbell in the Kageyama household goes off. He doesn’t remember what he was expecting when he opened the door, but it definitely wasn’t Hinata Shouyou standing on his porch with a volleyball in hand and a smile that rivalled the afternoon sun.

“Wanna play volleyball?” he asks, as if he hasn’t been actively ignoring Kageyama for the entirety of winter break. 

“Yeah.”

They walk to the park behind Kageyama’s house wordlessly, the silence between them slightly awkward, but not uncomfortable. This is new for them, Kageyama thinks.

“Did you do anything fun during break?” Hinata asks, though he seems much more preoccupied with kicking his shoe into the ground than Kageyama’s answer.

“I got the recordings of the matches at nationals. They were good to go through.”

“Really? That’s cool.”

“You can borrow them if you want. There are a few players that would be good for you to study.”

“Mmm...yeah. I’ll do that.”

There’s a brief moment of silence as they walk before Kageyama realises he’s the only one walking. 

“Kageyama,” Hinata calls, eyes glued to the ground, lips pulled into a taut line. “I’m sorry.”

Kageyama blinks, trying to connect the dots. “For what?”

Hinata’s voice cracks as he answers, voice hoarse. “The match.” 

They’re silent again as Kageyama decides on how to respond.

Because it’s true. 

He’s thought about this over and over, and in every parallel universe that they win, Hinata was playing on the court next to him, _with_ him.

“We could have made it further,” Kageyama starts, and the hurt is immediately apparent on Hinata’s face.

“I know, okay? I’ve said it over and over again, you don’t have to-

“Wait _—_ just let me finish,” Kageyama quickly says, because he knows he’s out of his element here. He’s not good with his words, but he knows Hinata is, and he wants Hinata to be able to understand what he’s trying to say. 

“We could have made it further, but we didn’t, because we didn’t have you. You’re...important to the team, and without you...it was hard.”

Hinata’s expression softens a little, his fists unclenching, but his eyebrows are still scrunched together, still very much conflicted.

Kageyama scrunches his face, trying to word the thoughts in his head. “The team needed you, and I know volleyball is a team sport, so it was never your fault, but what I’m trying to say is just _—_ take _care_ of yourself,” he finally says. “You can’t get sick and miss out on any games if you want to make it to the top.” He’s breathless by the time he’s done, and Hinata’s lack of a response almost makes him think he messed up even more. He just stares at Kageyama with wide eyes that don’t give Kageyama a clue what he’s feeling. 

“Oi-”

Hinata steps forward, and there’s a muffled apology before he wraps his arms around Kageyama in a hug, suffocating the breath out of him in a way Kageyama hasn’t felt in a long, long time. 

_“I’ll make it to the top.”_

*******

They’re in their second year when Hinata has his first sleepover at Kageyama’s house.

It wasn’t intentional, of course. Hinata had been over to do homework on Fridays as usual, when it had started pouring. Living on a mountain meant Hinata would have to bike up a wet slippery slope, and a phone call from his mom confirmed that he was not allowed to come back home that day.

“I’m sorry, I should have paid attention to the weather report this morning. I was too busy tying up Natsu’s hair, so i didn’t have time to check it,” Hinata mumbles.

“It’s fine,” Kageyama replies much too quickly for his own satisfaction. “I should have warned you about the rain anyway.”

Hinata grins, suddenly filled with all the energy that had been missing while they were working on homework. “So this is like….our first sleepover ever!”

 _It’s not a sleepover_ , Kageyama tries to say, but as the night progresses with them having dinner as they watched a new volleyball match Kageyama had recorded, followed by another hour of Hinata chatting his ear off about everything in the world, Kageyama decides maybe sleepovers aren’t so bad.

“We should probably go to sleep, huh? I bet this is waaay past your bedtime,” Hinata says from his futon.

Kageyama turns his back to Hinata, eyes trained on the wall. “I don’t have a bedtime, dumbass. And if you’re going to sleep then turn off the lights. The switch is by the shelf.”

He hears Hinata titter as he gets up from his futon, pattering over to the shelf to switch off the lights, Kageyama presumes. 

After about thirty seconds of the lights not turning off, Kageyama sits up. “Do you not know how to turn off a light switch or something-”

As his eyes land on Hinata, on what he’s holding in his hand, Kageyama’s voice dies in his throat.

“Who’s this?” Hinata asks, turning the picture frame to show Kageyama a photo as if he hasn’t looked at it a thousand times over.

Kageyama swallows, debating whether to answer or not.

Hinata must notice the change in his demeanour, because the next thing Kageyama knows, Hinata sets the picture frame back on the shelf and reaches over to switch the lights off. 

“It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Hinata says as he patters back into his futon in the dark, tucking himself in. “I know it’s hard to talk about some things.”

Biting the inside of his cheek, Kageyama doesn’t say anything in response. He just lays back down and wills himself to keep his eyes shut.

“Goodnight, Kageyama.”

Kageyama counts eighteen beats of silence from Hinata before he decides to answer.

“He’s my grandfather,” he says, and he’s surprised at how steady his voice sounds, considering he hasn’t said the word in years.

There’s a few seconds of silence, and Kageyama thinks Hinata must have fallen asleep before he hears Hinata sit up in his futon behind him.

“Is he nice?” Hinata finally asks, voice small and delicate in a way Kageyama has never heard before.

“Yeah,” he answers easily. “He taught me how to play volleyball.”

“Do you see him often?” Hinata asks, and Kageyama pulls the blankets tighter over himself.

“He passed away when I was in middle school,” he says, his own voice so foreign to himself as the words flow so easily. He braces himself to hear the usual ‘I’m sorry for your loss’ or something along those lines, but Hinata doesn’t say any of that.

“I wish I could have met him. He sounds cool.”

There’s a pause. 

“He was cool,” Kageyama finally says, and chooses to keep the ‘ _I wish he could have met you’—_ in his head.

That night when he goes to sleep, Kageyama thinks about the last time he saw his grandfather, the last time he heard his voice.

_Tobio, if you get really good, I promise you….somebody who’s even better will come along and find you._

He turns over in his bed, looking over at Hinata sprawled over his futon, and tries to pretend that he hadn’t just wished Hinata would be that person.

***

“Kageyama, my mom wanted to thank you for letting me stay over, so she’s inviting you over for dinner tonight. Are you busy?” Hinata asks in the midst of chewing the last egg roll in his bento.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full, dumbass. And tell your mom it’s fine. She shouldn’t have to trouble herself because a dumbass like you doesn’t know how to look at the weather forecast.”

Hinata lets out an affronted squawk, nearly spitting the eggroll out of his mouth. “I thought you said it was fine when I was sleeping over! And my mom put a lot of effort into cooking for you! You better come, or else I’m eating all the pork curry myself!”

“Pork...curry? How do you even know I like-”

Hinata flashes him a grin that stretches from ear to ear. “I know you better than you think I do, Grumpyama.”

Kageyama rolls his eyes at the nickname. “Fine, I’ll come over after I finish homework.”

“Just come over and do it with me! You haven’t done Math and History yet, right? Just come home with me after school and we can work on it together!”

Hinata says it with so much enthusiasm that Kageyama can’t find it in himself to deny him. 

Kageyama barely has to knock on the door to Hinata’s house before the door bursts open to reveal...a smaller version of Hinata with longer hair and bigger eyes—if that even is possible. 

“Natsu! How many times do I have to tell you to not open the door without checking who it is!” Hinata lectures from behind him.

“I was just excited to see Tobio nii-chan! He’s so tall!”

Kageyama stands awkwardly in the doorway, completely blown away by both the sight of this tiny Hinata and by the words coming out of her mouth. _Tobio nii-chan?_

“Kageyama? What are you doing? Let’s go in.”

Before he can even say anything he feels tiny hands grabbing at him, pulling him into the living room. “You’re so tall! You know, nii-chan always said he wanted to be as tall as you. He talks about you aaallll the time.”

“Natsu! I told you to not say anything embarrassing! Just go to your room!”

“Don’t wanna!”

Kageyama watches them bicker back and forth, and he can’t describe the inexplicable feeling of warmth that envelops him.

*******

By the end of his second year, Kageyama has gone to the Hinata household enough times to know where Natsu stashes her pokemon stickers (in the kitchen drawer next to the chopsticks), and enough time for Natsu to determine that she doesn’t like being called “tiny Hinata” anymore.

“My name is Natsu! _Na-tsu!_ Say it!”

Kageyama looks to Hinata for help, but based on the grin he’s currently sporting, Kageyama is pretty sure Hinata isn’t planning on helping anytime soon. He bites the inside of his cheek, looking at Natsu’s irritated face. 

“But I don’t even call your brother by his first name-”

Natsu’s pout intensifies even further, and maybe it’s because Natsu is the first kid to really take a liking to Kageyama, but he really doesn’t want to get on her bad side.

“Okay, okay, I’ll call you Natsu from now on.”

Natsu cheers loud enough that her mom has to shush her from the kitchen. Hinata cackles all the way out as he walks Kageyama down to the bus stop.

“I guess even you can’t handle girls, huh?” Hinata laughs.

“Your sister is very persistent.”

Hinata gives him a knowing look, teeth showing through his smile. “She likes you though. She says you’re super cool for some reason—though I still think you’re an idiot.”

Kageyama reaches to grab for his hair, but Hinata ducks out of the way just in time. “I’m kidding! I’m kidding!”

Kageyama can only roll his eyes and continue walking until Hinata falls back into place next to him. “But about what you said earlier-”

“What did I say?”

“About us not calling each other by our first names.”

“Oh.”

“Do you want to?”

Kageyama pauses, turning to look at Hinata. “Why? It’s not like it’s going to change anything. If anything, it’s just going to make it harder since we’ve been calling each other’s last names from the start.”

“Huh, I guess you’re right,” Hinata shrugs. “I’d much rather put more effort into playing volleyball than focusing on your name.”

“I guess you can say something smart once in a while.”

“Hey! And I was just about to compliment your name too!”

  
Kageyama gives him a puzzled stare, and Hinata takes it as permission to continue.

“Your name is nice, you know? _Ka-ge-ya-ma_. My mom said it means shadow mountain or something. But mine is nicer obviously, it means ‘headed towards the sun’! Cool, right? I used to tell that to all my friends and they said it suited me because I was so positive.”

Kageyama thinks about this long after Hinata leaves him at the bus stop. Kageyama has never really thought about Hinata being ‘headed towards the sun’ at all. He can’t see how the metaphor would fit at all. It was easier for Kageyama to imagine Hinata as the sun with the way he changes the people he meets. He has bright orange hair too—Kageyama doesn’t know how Hinata’s friends hadn’t thought about that.

*******

“Hey Kageyama, how come I haven’t seen your sister before? Hinata asks, peering at one of the photo frames that stand on his shelf.

Kageyama looks over at him from the English homework they’re _supposed_ to be doing. “She had to move somewhere for her job.”

Hinata spins around, looking at Kageyama in bewilderment. “ _What?_

“She’s seven years older than me.”

“Whoa…” Hinata walks over back to the table seemingly in a daze. “She looks so young in the picture I figured she was like...four years older than you or something.”

“My grandfather said she had a very youthful face,” Kageyama explains.

Hinata nods, picking up a pencil. “So how often do you see her?”

“She visits almost every week. She doesn’t really tell me when, though. I just come home and see her around sometimes.”

" _Huh?_

Kageyama looks back up at Hinata. “Why are you so interested in my sister?”

“Because I come here every week! I haven’t even seen her once!”

Kageyama frowns, scrunching his eyebrows. “Why would you want to see her?”

Hinata continues to make a series of flabbergasted motions. “I- I mean! You met my family! I want to meet your sister too!”

“Oh.” That makes sense to Kageyama. Hinata introduced him to his family, it’s only right he does the same. “Okay. I’ll let you know when she visits and you can come over.”

Hinata makes a satisfied noise and they continue their homework.

True to his word, Miwa is in the kitchen making dinner the next day he arrives home after practice.

“Nee-san?” he calls, hoping not to startle her.

Miwa turns to him, and he can see she’s dressed in home clothes. She’s not leaving anytime soon then, he guesses. 

“Oh, Tobio, you’re home. Can you help set up the table? I’m almost done with dinner.”

Kageyama nods, setting out the plates and utensils on the dinner table. Miwa is by his side in a minute, plating the food neatly. 

“You made pasta?” Kageyama asks, watching as the noodles fall neatly into place as Miwa pours the sauce over it.

“Ah, a friend at work gave me a new recipe, so I decided to try it. Let me know if you like it. I’ll make extra and put some in the fridge for you.”

The pasta was extremely delicious, and it isn’t until he’s on his third serving that he remembers his conversation with Hinata.

“Nee-san, when are you leaving?”

Miwa looks up at him, hand still working on twirling pasta onto her fork. “I’m not sure yet, but probably sometime tomorrow evening. Why?”

“Hinata said he wants to meet you.”

Miwa almost looks surprised as she sets her fork down. “Hinata? Why so suddenly?

“If you’re busy it’s okay. He’ll understand,” Kageyama is quick to say.

“No, I just...you’ve never asked me to meet any of your friends before.”

“They never asked.”

Miwa gives him a knowing look. “People aren’t going to ask to meet your family if you never tell them about your family, Tobio. But yes, I’ll be home, so you can bring him over.”

Kageyama texts Hinata after that, and the response is almost immediate.

> **Kageyama** : My sister said she’ll be here tomorrow if you want to see her.
> 
> **Hinata** : Really!! Awesome! I can’t wait to meet your sister. She looks a lot nicer than you Grumpyama ( `ε´ ) !!!!
> 
> **Hinata** : Also should I bring anything??? I feel like I should.
> 
> **Kageyama** : What for?
> 
> **Hinata** : Nothing!! I’ll ask my mom. Goodnight Bakayama!!
> 
> **Kageyama** : Ok. Goodnight.

The next day as they’re getting changed after practice, Kageyama finally notices the considerably long box Hinata is struggling to pull out of his locker.

“What is that?” He finally asks after Hinata manages to yank it out of the small confines of the boy’s lockers.

Hinata turns to flash him a cheery smile. “It’s a gift for your sister!”

Kageyama eyes the box warily as Hinata waddles across the courtyard to get his bike. 

“I didn’t know what to get, and I remembered my mom kept a stash of these for housewarming party gifts, so I just took one!”

“Housewarming parties…?”

“Oh, you wouldn’t know about them. It’s like an adult thing people do when they move to a new house and invite people over.”

“...Oh. But I haven’t moved anywhere new.”

“Yeah...but I’m sure it’ll be fine! It’s my first time seeing your sister and….she’s like...an adult, right? All adults like wine.”

Kageyama nearly chokes on air. “Wine!? You brought _wine_ to school!?”

Hinata blinks back at him with doe-like innocent eyes. “I mean, I wasn’t going to drink it! It’s for your sister!”

“Do you know how much trouble you could have gotten in?”

Hinata hums. “I guess I didn’t think about that. I was just so excited!”

Kageyama can only sigh and continue walking. “You’re such a dumbass.”

“Hinata-kun, it’s nice to finally meet you,” Miwa says, setting a tray down in front of them. “Tobio has mentioned you so many times I was beginning to wonder if I'd ever get to meet you.”

Hinata nudges Kageyama right in the rib. “Kageyama never told me you visited every week! I come over all the time and I never saw you so I just assumed you were studying abroad...or something.”

She lets out a little huff—a polite laugh. “Tobio has a habit of not telling people about his family. I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

Kageyama grunts. “I don’t see why I have to go around telling people about things they don’t need to know.”

“But I’m not _people_! I’m your...your...rival!”

Kageyama hears hesitation in the pause between Hinata’s words where there has never been, and he frowns.

There’s an awkward pause as honey brown eyes pierce into his, and Kageyama stands there blankly, not knowing how to react. 

Miwa breaks the silence. “Tobio, why don’t you set the table for dinner? I’ve already finished cooking.”

*******

Dinner is over and Hinata is long gone when Miwa confronts him.

“Do you like him?”

Kageyama leaves a half-breath between her question and his response, a moment to process the question. He sets down the bowl he’s washing, letting the soapy suds drip from his fingers to the bottom of the sink. 

"He's my rival...that's it.”

He pretends that he doesn't hear Hinata's hesitance in his own voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank u sm for reading!! As usual, i'm always open to constructive criticism-but don't be an ass about it <33 See u next chapter!


	3. i think i want to hold your hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It really is a nice smile, you know?” Hinata says all too seriously with his own pretty smile, and Kageyama’s heart thuds in his chest so loudly he wonders if Hinata can hear it. 
> 
> “Hinata-” he starts, but when he feels Hinata’s hand travels across his jaw, thumb brushing over his lips ever so slightly, the only thing he can focus on is how soft Hinata’s lips look.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Kghn New Year!! Thank u sm for all the lovely messages and comments!! Also this chapter contains _beautiful_ art from the lovely Emi (@kusogaeru6) !!! <3 I'll leave a link to their full comic in the end notes! Please go check them out.

tell me all your dreams when you wake up

By the time they’re in their third year, Karasuno has reclaimed their standing as a powerhouse, the flightless crows long forgotten.

They’re all a little different by then.

Yamaguchi was elected as captain once Ennoshita stepped down—a well received decision on the account that he’d rather die than let Tsukishima be captain. Hinata and himself weren’t even considered since “they’d make everyone train to their deathbeds” according to Tsukishima. And more importantly, by their third year, it had become clear that Yamaguchi was the only one who could properly handle all the ‘charismatic’ personalities on the team.

Kageyama had somehow been trusted with the vice-captain position—something Tsukishima and Hinata had suggested. It had definitely come as a surprise, but a welcome one, nonetheless. 

Tsukishima continued being the dick he always was, except he was the kind of dick that hung out with them on weekends and stayed back late to work on game strategies.

Hinata.... had cut his hair a little shorter. He was a little taller too, and he’d improved the most out of everyone on the team. He was loved by everyone. Even if Kageyama officially had the title of vice-captain, Hinata was sort of his co-captain, keeping spirits up in the team when they’re at their lowest.

And even if Hinata and him still bicker about superficial things like what flavour of milk tastes better, they’ve all more or less grown up.

“You’re going, right?” Hinata asks him so easily, as if Kageyama has said yes a hundred times before.

Kageyama has to take a second to remember what Hinata had been talking about.

“We can play volleyball there too, she even has a huge field and pool,” he adds, voice teetering on the edge of caution, as if he knows exactly where Kageyama’s mind is.

Kageyama hadn’t given so much as second thought to the class party the third years were throwing to celebrate graduation. Graduation didn’t mean much to him—just another stepping stone he needed to reach in order to pursue the goal he really cares about.

Kageyama doesn’t do well at parties—he sits in the corner, sipping on whatever beverage Hinata offers him, and wishes he were at home. Hinata knows this and asks him regardless. They had tried this before— in their second year; it hadn’t been any different.

For some reason, Kageyama still finds himself saying yes.

“Yeah,” he says, and Hinata’s lips quirk into a tiny smile, honey brown eyes twinkling in the light.

Maybe he’s lying to himself when he says he doesn’t know why he said yes. He knows he’ll say yes when Hinata asks for another toss, knows he’ll say yes when Hinata asks for a bite of his meatbun, knows he’ll say yes when he asks Kageyama to come over.

Hinata has him wrapped around his finger in a way Kageyama can’t quite explain. It should frustrate him, honestly, the way he can’t remember the last time he’s rejected something Hinata has asked for. But, then again, Hinata never asks for the unreasonable.

Hinata asks for more tosses, for more high-fives, for more practice outside of school. Kageyama remembers saying yes to each, remembers the hesitant look on Hinata’s face at each request. 

The things Hinata asks him for are things Kageyama always finds himself teetering on the edge of doubt about. Group hangouts? Club get-togethers? Basketball? Hinata gets him to say yes to them all. 

It’s never a ‘yes’ that he feels obligated to say. Hinata seems to know fairly well what Kageyama is and isn’t uncomfortable with—which is a thought Kageyama hasn’t fully processed yet.

“Don’t forget about it, okay? I’ll wait for you at the intersection near school so we can go to Mitsuki’s house together.”

Kageyama doesn’t even remember who Mitsuki is, but Hinata had reassured him that she had invited their entire grade, so Kageyama wouldn’t be out of place.

“Yeah, okay.” 

  
  


***

It’s almost dark by the time Kageyama heads out, which Hinata reassures him in a text is normal for parties like this. Kageyama then wonders how many parties Hinata has been to for him to know what’s normal.

Truthful to his word, Hinata is waiting for him at the intersection, hands buried in the pockets of black jeans Kageyama has never seen him wear before. He waves at Kageyama avidly, smile stretching from ear to ear.

“You’re early!”

“You’re still here though.” 

Hinata titters. “Yeah, I wanted to get here before you did,” he admits, gaze shifting to the ground under him. 

Kageyama ignores the tight feeling in his chest that gives him, opting to change the subject. 

“You brought a volleyball,” he points out, eyes settling on the familiar red and green striped ball in Hinata’s hands.

“Of course! I told you we were gonna play. I figured you’d forget because my memory is so much better than yours,” he teases, tongue poking out of his mouth.

Kageyama rolls his eyes. “Let’s just go—if you even remember the way to the party.”

Hinata squawks, nudging his shoulder into Kageyama’s. “I haven’t even been there! How am I supposed to remember it?”

“Oh.”

The party is already in full swing by the time they arrive. Surprisingly, even Tsukishima is there.

“You managed to bring him?” Tsukishima asks them, an amused smirk playing on his lips. Kageyama is pretty sure the question is aimed at Hinata, but he decides to answer anyway.

“He didn’t _bring_ me here, I came here on my own,” he replies irritatedly, though there isn’t any heat behind it.

Tsukishima gives him a pointed look. “On your _own_ , to a _party?”_

“Yeah! Kageyama at a _party_ , can you believe it?” Hinata mocks, nudging Kageyama’s shoulder lightly as he laughs. “Come on, let’s go say hi to Mitsuki so you know who she is before you graduate.”

  
  


Kageyama spends the first hour of the party not hating it at all. Hinata drags him here and there, flitting in and out of groups seamlessly, and Kageyama can only follow and watch. It’s weird seeing Hinata like this—all bubbly with no bite. It’s a side of Hinata Kageyama isn’t that familiar with, the part of Hinata that puts up a front for the people around him. He watches Hinata in awe, sometimes even throwing a word or two into the conversation, and each time Hinata turns to face him with a spark in his eyes that Kageyama can’t quite describe.

“Shouyou! Come play truth or dare with us!”

“Yeah! You haven’t played all night!”

The voices come from all the way across the room, and Kageyama recognises them as Hinata’s friends, the ones that come by to watch their practice matches sometimes.

Hinata shoots them an apologetic look. “Sorry guys! I’ll p-”

Kageyama nudges him hard in the shoulder, gesturing in their direction. “Go play with them.”

Hinata scrunches his face like he’s debating the option. “But you don’t like playing games like that.”

“I’ll be fine alone. I’m not a kid, Hinata. Just go.”

Hinata laughs, “I know you’re not a kid, Kageyama. Kids are supposed to be cute,” he says, sticking his tongue out like a five year old. But then there’s a sudden change in demeanour, his expression losing any sense of mirth. “Are you sure?”

Kageayama nods. “Yeah.”

He watches Hinata stare at him for a moment, eyes squinting as if it’ll help him read Kageyama’s mind somehow. 

“Fine. I’ll be back soon!” 

And just like that, Kageyama is alone. 

Except, when he actually puts in the effort to look around, he realises he’s not alone at all.

“Kageyama-kun! You’re here?”

“Yachi-san?” 

  
  
  


An hour later, he stares at the empty cup in his hands, at the occupied seats next to him, and decides maybe parties aren’t so bad. He’s a little tired now, but being around a lot of people does that to him naturally. He looks across the room to where Hinata is still seated on the floor, head tilted in laughter, and perhaps by chance, Hinata looks back at him right then, honey brown eyes locking with his.

_“Volleyball?”_ he mouths, and Kageyama shrugs.

Hinata shakes his head at him, rolling his eyes before he stands up, saying his goodbyes to the people sitting with him as he makes his way back to Kageyama.

“Come on, let’s go.”

It takes a little bit of maneuvering to get around the dancing bodies and couples making out but before long they’re out on the field.

“Holy crap, she wasn’t lying when she said her house was big,” Hinata mumbles next to him, spinning around on his feet as he appreciates the huge open space. “There’s even a pool over there...it’s like she has a whole park in her backyard.”

“Dumbass, a park is obviously bigger than this.”

Hinata scrunches his face at him in distaste. “Do you really have to pick on everything I say?”

“Only when you say something dumb.”

Hinata snorts, passing the ball to him. “You say that as if you’re not just as dumb as me.”

Kageyama doesn’t say anything in response to that.

“What are you waiting for? Toss to me!”

So Kageyama does, over and over again. Hinata is talking to him between tosses, telling him about his friends and what they’re going to do after graduation. Kageyama listens, lulled by the sound of his voice, but he can’t say confidently that he’ll remember any of the information he’s being fed.

“What were you doing? You seemed kinda busy,” Hinata asks once he’s satisfied with his filling in Kageyama on every conversation he’s missed that night.

“Yachi and Yamaguchi came to talk to me,” he answers.

“Oh! What did you guys talk about?”

“University stuff. They’re going to the same university after graduation.”

“Really?! That’s super cool-”

Kageyama watches as Hinata trips over air trying to receive the ball, feet a jumbled mess as he goes crashing into the grass.

“Ow-”

“For fuck’s sake,” Kageyama swears under his breath, jogging over to the boy crumpled over in the grass. “Does it hurt?”

Hinata wiggles his foot a little before shrugging. “Just a little. I’m sure it’s fine though, I'll just walk it off.”

“The hell you are,” Kageyama murmurs, crouching down with his back faced toward Hinata. “Get on, I’ll carry you.”

“Wh-What….I’m fine Kageyama! It only hurts a little!”

“You do realise if you injure your foot you won’t be able to play volleyball, right?”

Hinata contemplates this for a second before he gives in, hopping over to Kageyama and locking his arms around his neck. “This doesn’t count as me losing though, right?”

“Obviously it does.”

“Hey! I didn’t count the time you got hit in the head with a volleyball!”

“Yeah, because you’re the one who did it.”

Hinata makes a strangled noise, hiding his face in the back of Kageyama’s shoulder.

“Do you want me to take you inside?” Kageyama asks, grip firm on Hinata’s legs as he hoists him up.

“Mmm...do _you_ want to go inside?” Hinata asks, breath tickling his ear.

He sighs. “Dumbass, just tell me-”

“Let’s go to the pool,” Hinata blurts abruptly.

Kageyama blanks for a second. “The pool? But we don’t even have swimsuits-”

“I just...don’t wanna go in with the others yet,” Hinata mumbles.

Kageyama doesn’t say anything about the part of him that hoped it meant _‘I just want to be alone with you’_ in his head. 

Surprisingly, nobody else is at the pool when Kageyama sets Hinata down next to the edge of the water. It’s quiet, save for the whirring of the pool cleaner running somewhere under the water.

“You know, I think I’m gonna miss Karasuno.”

Kageyama turns to face Hinata. “Why?” he asks. They’ve known all along that Karasuno was just a stepping stone. 

Hinata looks at him and laughs, burying his face in his knees. “I should’ve known you’d ask that.” He stretches to the end of his legs, folding his jeans up enough so that he can dip his feet in the water without getting them wet. He pats the space next to him, gesturing for Kageyama to sit. “I’m gonna miss a lot of things.”

Kageyama obliges, taking the space next to Hinata as he dips his feet into the water. “Like what?”

Hinata hums. “Our juniors? Yamaguchi? Yachi? Maybe even Tsukishima a little,” he laughs. And then he turns to Kageyama, like he’s about to add his name to the list.

He doesn’t.

“You can still keep in contact with them though. It’s not like you’re moving across the world or anything,” Kageyama says.

Hinata stares blankly at him for a second before he lets out a half-suppressed laugh. “Yeah, I guess so,” he says, hands running through his hair.

They’re quiet then—but it’s the kind of quiet that makes Kageyama want to get up and run a mile. Hinata isn’t always loud, but there’s a difference between him not being loud and him being quiet.

“Hinata-” 

“Kageyama, doesn’t it feel weird?” he interrupts, splashing his feet in the water a little.

“What?”

Hinata furrows his eyebrows, eyes trained on the water in front of him. “We went to nationals....we...made it so far. We became second-years and third-years, and...I still don’t feel like I'm getting any closer.”

“Any closer to _what_?” Kageyama says almost exasperatedly, because he has no idea what Hinata is going on about. They’ve done their best, and even Kageyama is so proud of how far they’ve gone. “If you’re talking about the national team-”

“To you.”

“Huh?”

“I don’t feel like I'm getting any closer to you,” Hinata finally says.

Kageyama looks back at Hinata, and then at the three centimeters of space that separate them. They’re pretty close already, if he’s being honest. But Hinata has that look on his face that he only ever has when he’s serious about something, so he plays along. “Then...move closer?” 

Hinata blinks consecutively before he lets out a loud groan, dragging a hand down his face. “You’re such a _dumbass-_ ”

Kageyama flinches at the insult. “I was _trying_ to be nice, why are you calling _me_ a dumbass-”

“That’s not what I meant! I was being serious!”

“Then tell me what you mean, dumbass!”

“You know what? Nevermind!” Hinata huffs twice, folding his arms across his chest before he turns his back on Kageyama, slowly leaning down until his head is nested comfortably in Kageyama’s lap. 

Kageyama feels his entire body stiffen under the weight, his throat running dry. “ _Dumbass what are you-_ ”

“J-Just let me be like this okay! You’re the one who told me to get closer!” 

Kageyama ignores the part of him that wants to reply with something along the lines of _“you’re the one who was complaining about not being close enough,”_ but when he says it in his head like that it becomes increasingly apparent what Hinata had meant in that moment. 

_Close._

He looks down at the weight on his lap, and has to hold back a snort as he sees Hinata’s face crumpled from how tightly he’s scrunching his eyes shut.

They aren’t close.

Or at least, he thinks they aren’t. 

Hinata has never been his friend, that much is clear to him. And even if he doesn’t deny it when Tsukishima calls them ‘best friends’, he knows Hinata well enough to know that Hinata doesn’t see him that way either.

Because friends talk to each other about feelings. Friends are kind to each other. Friends hang out after school together and do things that don’t involve volleyball. And friends don’t throw each other to the ground and call each other names.

At least that’s what he thinks.

Because Kageyama does have friends. He has Yachi and Yamaguchi, and even if he hates the man with a burning passion, he knows Tsukishima is his friend too. And even amongst all those people Kageyama likes, he could never place Hinata in the same category as them. It’s like putting a netball in a basket full of volleyballs.

When he thinks about the type of _close_ Hinata had meant, he realises he doesn’t really _need_ to figure out what type of friends they are. Because they’re rivals before anything else. That much he is sure about.

Hinata’s hunger for growth is endless, and Kageyama has had a front row seat since their first year to experience it.

Their starting points may have differed, but their finish line has always been the same. It makes sense for Hinata to feel frustrated when the gap between them hasn’t narrowed that much at all. Hinata has improved drastically since his first day at Karasuno, but so has Kageyama, in a completely different way.

Kageyama had a four-year head-start in this race, meaning Hinata was four years behind. He should feel hesitant about putting his full faith in this boy when he says he’ll meet Kageyama at the top. But something in him can’t help but want to believe that he’ll be there, just like he said he would.

Kageyama knows he always puts his heart where his mouth is.

“Hellooo? Earth to Kageyama? Did you fall asleep with your eyes open or something?” Hinata asks, waving his palm obnoxiously close to Kageyama’s face.

“What do you want?” he replies, swatting Hinata’s hand out of his face. 

“You kinda blanked out for a second,” Hinata says.

“You’re the one that went quiet all of a sudden. You’re never quiet.”

“I was just thinking!”

“Oh, then something really is wrong.”

Hinata fixes him with a bored stare paired with a hard nudge, and the comfortable silence that follows is a lot more familiar.

They’re both staring at the sky when Hinata starts talking again. 

“Did you have fun today?

Kageyama looks down at him, slightly startled at the question. “Yeah, I guess I did.”

Hinata hums, eyes still trained on the sky, though his lips quirk upward slightly on the sides. It’s one of those smiles Hinata makes without even realising. 

“Why do you always do that?” Kageyama finds himself saying before he can even think about it.

“Do what?” Hinata asks, brown eyes finally returning to meet blue.

“You always...check on me for these kinds of things...”

“I do?” Hinata asks, and Kageyama can hear the genuine surprise behind the question. 

“I dunno...maybe I just want to make sure you’re fine with all the places I drag you to. I know you follow along half the time just because you don’t want to deal with me badgering you about it,” he laughs breathily.

Kageyama looks down at him again, at the wild orange hair splayed across his lap, at the cheeky smile playing on Hinata’s lips, and the bright honey eyes that seem to be able to stare right through him. Hinata reminds him of the sun in so many ways Kageyama hasn’t even tried to keep count. 

“Yeah, you’re right,” Kageyama admits, smile tugging on the corners of his lips.

Hinata reaches a hand up to his face then, and Kageyama stiffens under his touch. “You know, your smiles don’t look so stupid anymore,” Hinata says softly, smile evident through his voice as his fingers graze across Kageyama’s cheek. “Do you know how hard it was for me to learn to differentiate between your smile and your death glare in our first year?” he laughs.

Kageyama tangles his fingers in Hinata’s hair, tugging hard enough for it to distract him from the colour showing on his cheeks. “Shut up, dumbass.”

“It really is a nice smile, you know?” Hinata says all too seriously with his own pretty smile, and Kageyama’s heart thuds in his chest so loudly he wonders if Hinata can hear it. 

“Hinata-” he starts, but when he feels Hinata’s hand travels across his jaw, thumb brushing over his lips ever so slightly, the only thing he can focus on is how soft Hinata’s lips look.

He leans down slowly, so slowly that he doesn’t notice he’s moving at first. It isn’t until he feels Hinata’s hand slip to the back of his neck, pulling him down that he realises he can feel Hinata’s breath against his lips. He pauses, right then, and Hinata’s eyes flutter open, looking at him with the warmth of an afternoon sky. 

Kageyama has always liked the afternoon sky.

Right then the backdoor to the house bursts open, and Kageyama snaps backward, shoving Hinata off his lap almost mechanically.

“Hinata! We’re playing games again! Hurry and come back!” One of Hinata’s friends pokes his head through the door and looks between the two of them only to laugh. “Were you two fighting again?”

They’re both completely silent for a beat.

“Yeah,” Kageyama answers for him.

Hinata looks at him with wide eyes then, and Kageyama can’t tell if they look relieved or hurt.

“Well, stop bickering will you? We’re short one player.”

“Yeah yeah, I’m coming,” Hinata says, brushing himself off as he walks back into the house without so much as a glance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "hey siri, how do i write sexual tension?" 
> 
> also please check out emi's full comic [here!!](https://twitter.com/kusogaeru6/status/1351664609112027136)

**Author's Note:**

> if you want to scream at me about kghn you can find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/chocolavi_) and [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/chocolavi_/) as (@chocolavi_).


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